I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Pants are for mortals
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
