I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
