The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
that's an acceptable place to lick
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
