I'm eating all of the evidence.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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