She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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