You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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