Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
