Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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