Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
