Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
