Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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