Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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