I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
