glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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