spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
