Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
