I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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