that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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