i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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