The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
