just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
