I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
