Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
