Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
