You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
