i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
They took my balls.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
