If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
