I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Randomize
