we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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