Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
