Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
