Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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