Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
