i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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