the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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