i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
