I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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