So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
