when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
