how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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