The maid of honor just puked.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
