problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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