I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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