i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
