Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
