i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
