At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
