Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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