That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
wanna go halves on a baby?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
