i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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