guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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