I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
