i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
