last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
