What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
