the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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